Are You "Spiritual?"

Yesterday, I paused on an Instagram video talking about the trap of new-age spirituality.

“I was doing hapé all the time, the ayahuasca ceremony, the Joe Dispenza retreats, I was doing all the spiritual things and…I was suffering, deeply suffering... that was my way of trying to bypass suffering. And then one day I was like, you know what? F*** all of this. I'm gonna go out to the nightclub…I’m gonna let it all go….

(source @lifebythor)

…You're giving yourself all these rules…you just become this game of rules and now you're back in the matrix, because the Matrix is the rules. It's the stories and the illusions that it has to be this way, and it has to look like this, and I gotta make sure I journal today, I gotta make sure I get my thoughts down, and that and my f*cking meditation practice happens and that I do the yoga and that I eat clean and all of this… it's like I just created myself another prison.”

This conversation got me thinking because spirituality looks a lot like this to me these days:

Sugar. Indulgence. Slow walks on the beach instead of hard workouts. Being easy on myself. I’ve spent enough time beating myself up to do more, look better, check things off my list. Frankly, I’m over it. Loving myself feels so much better.

It’s wild how we can just be so mean to ourselves sometimes, isn’t it?

For example, I spent my day yesterday driving to Ojai to glaze pottery and explore a couple of new food spots— two ways I love to spend my time. (If you’re ever in Ojai, shop pottery (or make some) at Firestick Pottery, get a burrito at Farmer and the Cook, and don’t sleep on the pastries from The Dutchess!)

My inner critic calls that indulgent—‘Who am I to enjoy this when others are working and suffering?’

But if someone I love told me they spent their Wednesday doing things that brought them joy and peace, I would be so totally and obviously happy for them.

Plus, when we fill our own lives with joy, peace, purpose, and fulfillment, aren’t we more equipped to share those things with those we come into contact with? I actually can’t do the coaching work I do if I’m not taking care of my frequency.

So, as I hear and acknowledge my Ego’s argument to make me feel bad about yesterday, I make a choice not to buy into that story.

You see, this journey of self-employment and travel I’m on is stretching me in so many ways all the time, and one of those ways is in my capacity for wonderfulness.

Before, I had a limit on the amount of wonderfulness I could handle.

I was unknowingly walking around living my life with deep underlying beliefs that I am not worthy and not enough, or that only some parts of me were worthy and enough.

Aka: I can love myself here, where I am wise and generous and kind and accomplished. But I cannot love myself there, where I am grumpy and jealous and critical and impatient. I spent the majority of my life living this way, only allowing myself to see and love some of me while rejecting, shaming, and judging the rest.

Of course, I didn’t KNOW I was doing this! I was just frustrated with things not going how I wanted them to in my life. Walking around with this subconscious programming running in the background puts a limit on the amount of wonderfulness one is willing to allow into their life.

I believed I was only worthy when my good side was showing—literally and figuratively (still not sure which side that is) so I created a life that reflected exactly this back to me. I always had conditions for my wonderful things: I could have financial freedom, but it had to come at great cost to my mental health. I could fall in love, but there was always something that made it misaligned. I could have what I wanted—but only by compromising my values.

I’m a work in progress, as you know because I’m here taking you along for the ride. As I dig through my inner world, finding and loving the parts I’ve tried to hide, I’m noticing real shifts in my outer world, too.

Maybe I can have financial independence while also feeling calm and having balance.

Maybe I can feel fulfilled by my work without working myself to the bone.

Maybe I can travel without guilt.

Maybe I can fall in love with someone whose values and vision for life align with mine.

I’ve turned my life into an experiment to see if this is all possible.

So, what can being “spiritual” look like? Spiritual practices—while powerful—can easily become just another set of rules that disconnect us from our joy and worthiness. For me, right now, it’s about releasing the ‘shoulds’ and embracing softness, indulgence, and radical self-compassion—even (especially) when it feels undeserved.

If any of this piqued your interest, ask yourself right now:

What would it look like to be kinder to yourself today?

What can you eliminate from your day to make a little more empty space?

And finally, what would it feel like to just be in that empty space without beating yourself up?????